Turning Point
by finlee
Summary: Written for the OC sentence challenge. What happens when Ryan sees Volchok for the first time after the accident.


**Title** : Turning Point

**Author **: Finlee

This is my contribution to the OCSFC3. "Turning Point" was written for Elzed. Thanks to SMC36 for beta duty!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own them.

**Turning Point**

When Ryan saw Volchok, it was like a revelation. After almost two months of depression, agony and anger, he suddenly felt nothing. He had spent countless hours contemplating how he would make Volchok pay for Marissa's death. Ryan came up with also all sorts of scenarios of what he would do, but now, standing in front of this waste of human life, all his anger just disappeared.

Looking at the guy who not only took a life but also changed the lives of so many people in an instant, Ryan realized that anything he did would be nothing compared to what Volchok had done to himself. No longer was he the arrogant surfer with a huge chip on his shoulder. Now, Volchok was just a mere shell of himself. His clothing was unkempt, and he reeked of alcohol.

But it was his eyes that shocked Ryan – the fear, shame and guilt. In that moment, Ryan knew that hurting Volchok wasn't going to help him. If anything, it would hurt Ryan more because in a sense, it was what Volchok wanted. He wanted punishment in a form that he understood – violence. And by being beaten, in some warped way, Volchok would feel justified in what he had done.

Ryan wasn't going to do that. He wasn't going absolve Volchok of his guilt because he had enough of his own.

"You!" Volchok sneered, gaining some strength from the fact that Ryan hadn't attacked him. "You killed her! Why didn't you stop? You could have just let her talk to me. She was my girlfriend. You drove off the road!"

He started swinging wildly as Ryan tried to grab him, staggering forward in his attempts. "This is your fault, YOUR FAULT!"

Ryan tried to avoid the angry man, but one blow did connect, causing him to stumble.

Jumping up quickly, Ryan's anger began to rise to the surface. Trying to control himself, he grabbed the person who for almost two months had been his only focus. Pushing Volchok against the railing, Ryan gritted his teeth.

"Don't you blame me! You started this. You drove us off the road, and YOU killed Marissa! I relive it every day. I can still feel her take her last breathe. You couldn't even call for help for us. You just left us and ran like the piece of shit you are! We were there for almost a half hour before someone came along! So don't blame me. I already blame myself. I don't need any more blame from you."

Pushing away from Volchok, Ryan choked back a sob as he turned to get away from him. He wasn't going to break down in front of Volchok. He wasn't going to let this piece of crap see his grief as he felt the tears he had held back for weeks well up in his eyes.

It wasn't fair. Everything had been going okay. He graduated from High School and was heading off to college. His mom was doing well, and slowly but surely they were rebuilding their relationship. The fact that she and her boyfriend had gotten him a car just amazed him. But the look of pride on her face was all he really needed. Things were just the way he wanted them, but in a few short, terrifying minutes, everything changed.

Blame. There was so much to go around, and everyone seemed willing to take some.

Julie thought if she never encouraged her daughter to go, her daughter would be alive.

Summer believed if she had only asked, Marissa would never have left.

Sandy and Kirsten thought they should have told Ryan to stay home since they had wanted to have a family celebration.

And on and on…

But Ryan knew only three people shared the blame – Volchok for causing the accident, himself for trying to get away and Marissa…Marissa had to share some of the blame. She always refused to wear her seatbelt. Ryan even reminded her when they got in his new car that night. They both laughed because it had almost become a joke. She hated it when the shoulder strap would wrinkle her clothing and complained it was not comfortable.

And that vanity kept her from using a simple device that could have easily saved her life.

Ryan replayed that drive over and over in his head. What if he stopped and let the ass beat the crap out of him?

What if he had stopped and turned around when Volchok was next to them? But that only happened in the movies – carefully choreographed stunts to let the good guy get away.

At the time, all he could think of was to get away and protect Marissa. The adrenaline kept him focused on that while Volchok pushed his car farther and farther to the left until his car flipped.

He'd only started driving again two weeks ago. The idea of getting behind the wheel nauseated him.

One morning he picked up the keys to the Jeep Cherokee his mother and the Cohen's had purchased and that his mom's boy friend fixed for him.

It was before dawn as he pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the pier.

It was something he had to do on his own. The Cohen's hovered over him and Seth, when he wasn't with Summer, was always nearby, talking insistently. He knew their hearts were in the right place, but he had hoped after all this time, they realized that sometimes he needed to be left alone. And he was never alone.

Kirsten and Sandy worried about why he was sleeping so late, thinking it was another sign of a deep depression. They worried that he wasn't eating so Kirsten made a point of having lunch at home, and everyone was required to have dinner together.

Everyday he heard "So, how ya doing kid?" "Sweetie, do you want a sandwich" and "It's so unfair that you get ANOTHER car when I haven't gotten my first. It's not like I'm going to cra.. Dude, I totally wasn't going to say it, I mean, I was just, well, I totally have to learn to stop talking!"

They were smothering him with their concern. So every night, when everyone was asleep, Ryan would leave the pool house for some alone time. Sometimes he only went as far as the lounge chair by the pool but other times, he walked the beach for what seemed like hours. He was always back before anyone realized he was gone.

Afterwards, He would crawl into bed and sleep for as long as he could, before someone, out of concern, would wake him up. Not once did he tell them why he was so tired because he knew that then they would worry about why he was wandering around in the middle of the night. He didn't want to worry about them any more.

But that one morning, Ryan just picked up the keys, backed out of the driveway and headed towards the pier. He loved it there, and he loved watching the day start, looking over the water. He returned home around 8 AM, to unexpected panic. Kirsten, Sandy and Seth had all panicked when they realized he was not at home. They feared he had run away or done something worse.

"Uh, I have bagels?" Ryan held up a bag of fresh bagels and saw all three of them relax just a bit. He also saw their fear, and that bothered him. He was doing the best he could. He was trying, but he wanted to deal with this his own way. And yes, damn-it, he was depressed! After all, his girlfriend died in his arms! But he was not suicidal.

Ryan was just trying to figure out how to function again, and he didn't know how to explain this to them. He didn't want to try.

He heard the Cohen's talking about how maybe he should go talk to a psychiatrist. Seth even recommend the one Summer was going to. Ryan thought that maybe it would be a good idea, but the Cohen's never brought it up to him so neither did he. They thought he would be opposed to it, so they never even asked. He would have said yes, if only they asked because deep down he knew it might help.

The bagels did seem to relax them a bit, but Kirsten kept patting his shoulder and squeezing his arm as if to assure herself that he was still there. No one mentioned the fact that for the first time since it was parked into the driveway, the Cherokee had been used.

After that, most mornings around dawn, Ryan would take off for a couple of hours for some time alone. He always made sure to return before Sandy and Kirsten left for work because he knew they would stay until they saw he was home and safe.

Seth had tried to come with him a few of times. But after the second time Ryan had just turned around and went back to bed. After that, Ryan had gotten up an hour earlier to avoid him, and Seth just gave up trying.

Yeah, Ryan felt bad, but being by himself for just an hour or so gave him the peace he needed to face the rest of the day that was full of worried gazes and overwhelming concern.

And now even that was ruined by Volchok with his drunken accusations.

Ryan drove, not really paying attention to where he was going. He felt the tears on his cheeks, but he just kept driving.

Ryan felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him when he saw where he was - the crash site. Carefully, he pulled to the side almost in the exact spot where he held Marissa as she died.

Shaking, he stepped out of his car and looked around. It was so peaceful. This side road wasn't often used. Drivers preferred the better paved main road that paralleled it.

Taking a shaky step forward, Ryan felt his knees give out, and he sank to the ground. The sobs he'd been holding in just poured out, releasing his grief and anguish. As time passed, his tears lessened. Whipping his face, he stood and looked to the spot where his car had landed. Enough time had passed that the grass had grown back where the burning car had scorched it.

Nature didn't dwell on loss - it just continued as it always had done, and Ryan knew he had to as well. Seeing Volchok had definitely been therapeutic. Not just by releasing his tears, but by seeing what his nemesis had become. Ryan didn't want to end up like that – drunk, angry and even bitter.

It felt as if a weight had been lifted off him.

Three weeks later in Berkley…

"Hey Sadie!" Ryan rushed into the coffee shop. "Sorry I'm late, I was just seeing the Cohen's off."

Sliding into the booth, Ryan reached out and grabbed her hand. "You look great! Did you cut your hair?"

"Ryan Atwood, no one can say you not observant." Smiling, she leaned forward and kissed him hello. "So did everything go well?"

"Yeah, so far. Kirsten was really upset though. I was worried she was going to decide to stay another day. But…I am going to miss them."

"Hey, give her a break, her son is going off to college after all. Her nest is empty!"

"It's really good to see you Sadie…" Ryan smiled and looked down. "I can't thank you enough for being there for me this summer. Talking to you really helped. It was nice to have someone to talk about anything other than Marissa and the accident."

"We talked about that too, Ryan."

"I know, but we talked about it when I wanted to. I mean, the Cohen's were great. They were always there for me, and I do mean always. But, sometimes I didn't want to have to think about it. They just didn't understand that sometimes I didn't want to be crowded."

"So, should I assume the next time you'll see them is Thanksgiving?"

"Oh no, Kirsten says she has 'business' in San Francisco in a few weeks, so she's making plans for dinner. But Seth is already in Rhode Island with Summer. Kirsten and Sandy are flying out there for 10 days the beginning of October.

The two laughed and talked some more. It was still so easy between the two of them.

Sadie had called Ryan shortly after the accident, and the two continued to talk on a daily basis - sometimes for a couple of minutes, while other times -for a couple of hours. No one was aware of their conversations. Over those weeks, they had rebuilt their relationship.

"Ryan, are you sure you don't want to move in with me? Rent's not an issue you know. I'm paying next to nothing. I was lucky to get the loft in the artist colony. There's more than enough room for the two of us. I mean your scholarships cover most of your expenses so the Cohen's don't have to pay for much."

"No, no. It's not that I don't want to. In fact, I plan on spending a lot of time here. Part of it is the Cohens. I know they'd flip if they found out I moved in with you after everything that happened. But, I also think I need to live at the school for a while. And, I don't want to rush things with us…well, there are some things I wouldn't mind rushing…"

"Ryan, trust me, there are some things I may not want you to rush. And if you do, and I'm not 'pleased' with the results, well, you can just stay in your dorm room. Alone with just your hand and a bottle of lotion to keep you company. Oh wait! That's right, you have a roommate. Maybe he can help you out!"

"Oh, ha ha." Ryan leaned over and gave her a kiss. "Some things won't be rushed, unless you beg. Hey!" He grabbed her hand as she tried to smack him.

"Really Ryan, I understand. If we're going to work out in the long run, we can't push things now, and we want the Cohen's to be happy about it too."

"I'll tell Kirsten to make reservations for three." Ryan leaned back in booth and smiled at Sadie.

Things were good, and he was happy. He would never forget the accident or Marissa, but he knew the only way he could honor her memory was to continue with his own life.

College and Sadie were a good start. /lj-cut


End file.
